Another shooting…

SO again there has been another school shooting.  Again, we are talking about gun control.  Again, we are talking about mental illness.  Again, again, again…

How much more can we take?  How many more lives have to end for us to realize that there is something seriously wrong with our society and culture????

We can all debate gun control laws till we are blue in the face.  And while I am a firm believer in the 2nd amendment… I also believe that everyday citizens should not have access to assault rifles.  I don’t see a need for anyone, other than our armed forces or other security personal, to own and operate an assault rifle.  Coming from a state with pretty strict gun laws, I’m not certain as to why other states are not creating and supporting stricter laws that make it more difficult to access specific types of weapons.

And we can talk and talk about mental illness… which IS a topic I think we need to confront more.  Obviously mental illness is prevalent and a worthy topic to discuss.

But when are we going to start talking about our culture?

I don’t think this is just a gun/mental health issue.  I think we are looking at a culture of humans who have somehow removed themselves from empathy… from having connections to others…

We have become a culture of instant gratification.  We no longer have patience.  We are no longer educated on how to handle our differences… we are actually a culture that has been screaming out our differences for quite some time.

I feel as if humanity is lacking some core morals… and without these fundamentals, we might just extinguish our race.

So why are we not addressing this as a cultural issue?  Why are we not looking at the whole picture?

A song by Luke Bryan says, “I believe if you just go by the nightly news, your faith in all mankind would be the first thing you loose.”  And I agree.  The news sheds a very bleak picture of our existence.  But only we can change that.  Only we can change the culture that we are raising our kids in.

As Bryan also says, “I believe most people are good.”  Anne Frank said the same thing.  I say the same thing.  I believe in the good of humanity.  But I also believe that we need to work together as a society, as a culture to change the direction we are headed.  It’s time to look real deep within our selves and within our culture and find the problems that are plaguing us.  We need to fix us or else this won’t be the last time we hear of another mass shooting… But it might lead to the end of humanity.

“Most People Are Good” by: Luke Bryan

Day one of the Journey…

Last night while I was talking over my career-less path with my husband… I realized that maybe I should check out that henna artist thing.  If anything – it might give me some income while I try to find something more permanent.

During our discussion – I was commenting on how much I love my photography – and my husband and I realized that maybe I could begin a photo/blogging documentary of my career journey.  If anything – maybe I could help others in my same situation.

So I jotted down some notes on how to go about doing this and I began my journey today.

Day 1:

I woke up this morning – scared and nervous.  I was excited to think that I was going to venture off on a new path – but I had decided the night before that I was going to start with the henna artist thing.

Here is my thinking…

I might as well look into everything that I like.  I can ask to be trained – see if I can volunteer my services… do whatever it takes to get some experience and get a taste of the job I think I want to do.  Then… see where all of it leads.

So I mustered up the courage and drove down to Henna Rising.  A small boutique, tucked away from a popular area in Rochester, New York.

Thankfully my nerves kept me from leaving early… because if I had gotten there any earlier – I wouldn’t have found the place.

But I left late.  I got to the building that the website said they were in, but there were no signs for the shop.  I decided to walk all the way to the back, hoping that I would see a sign or something that would help me find this place.

Luckily, a girl on a bike happened to be following close behind me.  I asked her if she knew where I could find “Henna Rising.”  She said, “Follow me!”

It just so happened that she works in the same space doing hair.  So she brought me up to the shop but informed me that I would need to get in touch with the owner of the henna shop to see if she would be able to train me.

I was only there a few minutes – and I felt a bit disappointed that my venture was not going to lead to anything today… But I was proud of myself for trying.

So what if todays journey didn’t go far.  I will follow up… I won’t give up.  So now it’s time to send an email to the owner – and see what advice she has for me.  Who knows… maybe this will be the start of a nice career – or at least a job that will help pay the bills in the meantime.

I’ll keep you posted.

The Journey begins…

So how does one go about choosing a new career?

Well for me, whatever I choose to do, I know I want to be happy doing it.  So I started there – what do I want to do that would make me happy?

Well, working with my husband a few years ago made me realize how much I love working with him.  It also made me realize that I like working for myself… But that might not be an option… so…

I began to look at what I liked:

photography, writing, technology, animals…

Then I looked into jobs… and I got depressed.  Really, really depressed.

Everything I thought I might want to do – I needed to have experience and some sort of education in that field.

I have an English Lit. Degree and a Master’s in Education.  As of right now… these degrees seem very useless.

So… I decided to let life take me on the journey.  Let life lead the way… and it led me to consider something I never thought I would… being a henna artist.

I know – totally out of left field.  But let me tell you how I got to this.

For my birthday my mom came to visit and took me and my girls out for lunch.  (This fantastic place called Lovin’ Cup on RIT campus!)  While having lunch our, our waitress, H., struck up a conversation.  H. said that she was a henna artist and that the place that she was working was always looking for henna artists.

I have done henna before – but only on my kids – and only using designs I created.  But I showed her them anyway.

She said I should stop by the shop and check it out.

I left lunch that day – thinking… “could I really be a henna artist?”  It seems like such a unstable career.

Well, after that lunch encounter – I thought about the henna thing.  And I thought about how unstable it might be.  I also thought about how much I need a career… one that pays well.

So instead of letting life lead the way – I ignored the idea.

I decided to continue looking for a career.  And as fate would have it – a friend told me about an English position that just might become available.

Yes!!!!!  Finally – a job I was qualified to do.

I decided that this would be my last attempt to be a teacher.  If the fates were in my favor – then I would get the job.

But the fates weren’t in my favor and the job never became available.

So… this landed me back to square one.

Maybe fate was telling me it was time to try something new.

41, Career-less, and looking to re-invent myself… some background info.

I have decided to document my journey to finding a new job/career path as a 41 year old.  I know that I am not alone in this journey.  There are plenty of woman in my position.  But where do we turn?  What do we do?

Well I started looking for a job.

I have a Master’s degree in Education.  I have tried to get a teaching job in the public sector – but to no avail.  So after two years of looking, subbing and working in a private school… I have decided I need a more permanent career.

But what?

Looking for a job has not been easy.  The first thing I realized is that I do not have experience in other fields.  As much as I might be able to work in HR or work doing other jobs – I do not have the experience or education in those fields, which probably means I won’t even get my resume past the initial phase.

So what am I going to do?

I still don’t know.  But it dawned on me that… I’m not the only person in this position.  And yet, I am having a hard time finding advice or knowledge on what I can or should do.

So… I have decided to document my journey.  Maybe my path will help someone else who is looking for a new career in their 40’s.

I hope to document my journey and hopefully it will have a successful ending.  But even if it doesn’t – at least my experiences might help someone else.

So there you have it.  Check my blog… as I will be blogging more about my journey.

Wish me luck!

Loving the skin I’m in…

How many times have you, or a woman you know, made some comment about her body?  Whether it’s her weight, her figure, her eyes, ears, lips, legs, arms… At some point in most people’s lives (I’m willing to bet) they have heard a woman comment about her body.  And out of those times, again I’m willing to bet, most of those comments were negative.

So why do we do it ladies?  Why do we put ourselves down?

I’m not going to go the root of commenting on societies influence on this subject… instead I’m going to share with you a moment that I had recently that made me realize I needed to stop hating my body and love the skin I’m in.

Some back ground knowledge…

I used to have a body that I felt was perfect for me.  While I never truly appreciated that 20 year old body, I never really hated it either.  I had a good figure and didn’t have to do ANYTHING to keep it.  In fact, I was that girl who could eat chocolate cake and a Mountain Dew for breakfast and loose pounds.  Most of my girlfriends hated me for all of this!

Then I had twins.

And I went right back to my pre-pregnancy weight.  Yup, I was that girl.

5 Years went by… and suddenly my body began to change.

I gained weight… and not just a little.

I went to the doctor.  I was told nothing was wrong – it was natural, I was getting older.  That’s just what the female body does… gains weight with age.

So… I changed my diet.  I quite drinking soda.

I gained weight.

I went to a gym.  Three times a week, religiously… I worked out with a personal trainer for three months straight.

I gained weight AND inches!

I went back to my doctor.  She ran test after test.  Nothing.  I went to specialists.  Nothing.  Finally, I was diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF).  Basically, I was past menopause by age 34.

That was why I had gained over 50 pounds.  My hormones were all messed up.

Okay great!  Fix the hormones – Fix the weight.

But it wasn’t that easy.

For the past seven years, I have hated my body.  I have hated the skin I am in.  I don’t feel beautiful.  I don’t feel sexy.  In fact, I don’t feel much of anything except pure resentment and hatred for the body I have been given.  I don’t like anything about my body.

Then… a moment on Facebook (of all places!) led me to stop this damaging relationship I was in with my body.

I read a post someone had shared about how you should love yourself and it was all this motivational stuff… But it was the image at the bottom of the post that made me stop and think.  At the bottom of the post was a picture of a woman in her late 50’s/early 60’s.  And she looked her age.  But she looked beautiful.

And then I thought of my grandmother and how I never once thought of her as ugly, old, wrinkled… She was beautiful.  She was my gram.  And then I thought about my mom.  I never thought my mom was ugly when I was growing up.  She was beautiful.  She was my mom.

Then I thought about my kids.  How would I feel if they ever told me that they hated their bodies?  How would I feel if I knew that they doubted their beauty?  How would I feel if I knew that they looked in the mirror, daily, hating what they saw?

And then I questioned…

Why was I doing this to myself?  Why was I hating my body?  Why was I putting myself down?  Why could I not love the skin I am in?

And I realized that I needed to change my perception of myself and my body.  I realized how horrible I had been towards myself.  I felt terrible for how negative I had been and how critical I had treated myself.  I realized that I needed to respect the body I was in.  After all – my body had gone through a lot.  It gave birth to my two children.  I needed to fall in love with my body – not worry about the body I hoped to have someday.

This change in mindset has not been easy.  I still struggle somedays.  But the reality is that I know I need to stop hating the body I have been give.  It may not be perfect, but it is mine.  And while I will continue to try to be healthy, active and stay fit… I no longer have to hate where I’m at with my weight and looks.  I can enjoy the skin I’m in while I am working to improve it.

So to all those ladies out there feeling the same way – you are beautiful.  Your bodies are beautiful.  Love the skin you’re in… because in the end – this is the only body you will have… and you are wasting energy hating it.  Love your self.

Let’s stop judging ourselves… and maybe someday – the world will stop judging us.

40, Educated, And Career-less

I still have no idea what I want to do with my life.

As a forty year old woman I had dreams… I had goals… I had a career that I worked extremely hard to achieve.  In 2000, I graduated with a teaching degree.  I got a job fresh out of college.  Then the following year I got a permanent job teaching.  I thought my career was on the right path.  After two and a half years, I was blindsided when I was told I wouldn’t be getting tenure.  Nothing had prepared me for that moment.  Nothing.  Every observation I had had, every recommendation I had gotten… pointed me in the direction of tenure.  And then it was gone.

But everything happens for a reason right?

I ended up pregnant with twins… took time away from the profession and eventually went back, got re-certified and completed my master’s degree in education.  I taught in private schools, substituted in various public schools.  I had short term and long term positions, I even had contractual sub positions.  But nothing led me to a permanent position in a public school.

There were no full-time positions in my field.  None.  And, moving was not and is not an option.

So this brings me to current day… I am forty.  I am career-less and I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

But I don’t think I am alone.

I know too many people that seem to be in my position.  But I can’t help but wonder why?  How did we get here?  We all had aspirations.  We all took the steps to become educated and experienced in the careers we thought we would have for the rest of our working lives… And yet, here we are… mid-life… without a career… holding onto an education that doesn’t provide us with a job… and now we have to re-invent ourselves.

Like many, I have explored a variety of options.  I have reflected on my passions, my strengths and my weaknesses.  But I still can’t seem to find my niche.

I know I need to be happy in whatever career I choose.  I need to be financially sound.  I need to be able to provide for my family, save for my kid’s futures, and save for my own retirement.  But I don’t know what I want to do.

Maybe I could be a writer… oh wait, that takes time and doesn’t guarantee a paycheck.  Maybe I could be a photographer – I have a small side business… oh wait, that doesn’t bring in enough money either… thus the reason it’s a “side” business.  All these maybe’s only leave me more confused, frustrated and lost.

Not knowing what I want to do, what I can do, what is out there to do… is paralyzing.

I’m not sure where I will go from here.  Like many, I won’t give up… even though this moment in my life is difficult, I won’t stop trying to find my career path.  But I do wish that it was easier for those in their 40’s to find another path.  I wish there was more support and guidance available to help people like me re-invent themselves.

For those of you like me… what do you do or what have you done to find our what you want to do with the rest of your life?

Is YouTube making us go too far?

So I just read an article about a young woman who is being charged with second degree manslaughter for attempting a Youtube prank that went “horribly wrong.” (Ya think?)  Seven months pregnant and as ignorant as a child herself, Monalisa Perez and her boyfriend, Pedro Ruiz III, were trying to make a YouTube video that would go viral.  The prank: shooting someone about a foot away!  (Great prank!)  The idea was that Ruiz would hold a book to his chest and she would fire the gun… but the bullet would be stopped by the book.  Ruiz even convinced her that a book could block a bullet by showing her a different book he had shot at and had stopped a bullet.

So lights.  Camera.  Action.  Bang!  He’s dead.  The book did not stop the bullet.

Now aside from the fact that this is a tragic story… and I truly feel sorry for all involved… I can’t help but wonder why society is so willing to take such risks for a few seconds of fame?

As I continue to think about this, I become even more concerned because my own offspring are doing stupid “prank” videos in the hopes of posting them on YouTube and having the clip go viral.  Thankfully they are making video clips that are of them falling down or being silly in front of their friends… But my worry is:

Is YouTube making us go too far?

What kind of video does one need to post to get likes?  How far does one have to go?  People have posted their suicides on Youtube, shootings, terrible accidents, and pranks that have gone horribly wrong… all for a what?

I truly hope that somehow society and social media grow up a little and realize that we don’t have to have the extreme to be entertained… and that there is so much more to life than a million likes on YouTube.

I’m sure this poor girl has a different outlook about her video clip now… unfortunately it’s too late for her boyfriend.

Perez’s story from CNN

 

My love/hate relationship with Facebook

I’m sure I am not alone when I say I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook.  There are things I absolutely love about the social media site… keeping connected with family & friends who live far away, seeing humorous posts that lighten the day, reading educational articles that someone reposted, finding new ideas from home decor to recipes.  These are all things that keep me on Facebook.

Then there are the things I hate…

But before I make that list, let me tell you how my hatred for Facebook came to be.

It all started on New Years Eve, right before 2017.  During a moment of down time, I checked my Facebook account to see how everyone was doing.  A post about a California law caught my attention.  I did what most people do… I read a couple paragraphs of the article, and then I reposted it.  HUGE MISTAKE!  The article basically said that there was a law in California that was passed that would make it legal for underage kids to be on the streets working as prostitutes.  The article went on to say that this law would make it illegal for police to arrest a minor who was working as a prostitute.  I was outraged by this thought.  It could be legal for a minor to be a prostitute?  Really?  Obviously there was more to the story… but because it was New Years and I was an idiot… I didn’t do any more research.  I just posted the article.  My reasoning was that I wanted to get the word out that this was becoming a law and that people should be aware and rebel against this law.  Maybe by reposting I could help others become aware of this law and maybe, just maybe… it could make a difference.

It did make a difference… but not one that I was prepared for.

So, after I reposted the article I put down my device for awhile.  But right before the ball dropped, I jumped back on Facebook… and that’s when the ball dropped on me.  During the time I had been away from Facebook, my “friends” had read my post.  And they began to comment about the article.  But they weren’t commenting about how wrong the law was.  Instead they were commenting on how unfair this article was of representing the democratic party.

Wait.  What?

Evidently the article continued on stating that the reason this law was passed was because the majority of democrats in California had passed the law.  It seemed my “friends” had missed the point of my post.  Instead they began making it a political statement in my comments section.  Two of my friends were fighting with two other friends in my comments.  And the fight was getting ugly.  Then it turned on me.

I began to be bullied by my friends.  They threatened to “unfriend” me.  They commented that I should know better and then brought my children into the argument.  And that’s when I got angry.  They were attacking me… my opinions… and then calling me a bad mother for having those opinions.  I was outraged that these people were even a part of my social ring.

I lost friends that night.  But I gained insight into our human behavior and how social media has become a reflection of where humanity is going.  People who I considered my friends would NEVER have attacked me the way I was attacked that night if they were face to face with me.  But because they could hide behind their keyboard, they felt safe.  They didn’t have to see my reaction.  They couldn’t see my reaction.  They couldn’t see my face change in horror or my hands shake as I tried to respond to their words.  No they saw none of it.  They had the perfect platform to be a bully and there were no REAL consequences to their actions.

I also learned that night that I could not share my opinions openly on social media.  I learned that if the majority thinks one way, and my thoughts differ from them… then I become a target for attack.  The same people that scream “Freedom of expression!,” “Free Speech!,” are the same people who will criticize and condemn anyone who expresses a different opinion from them.  I learned that society has changed.

And thus began my hatred for Facebook.

I hate that I feel hindered to post things.  I hate that I won’t post things that I believe are worth posting.  I hate that I have conformed to the “Political Correctiveness” of society.  I hate that I have “friends” who can’t be open-minded and allow other people’s opinions to challenge them.

But mostly I hate how this whole experience has changed my view of people and humanity.  I want to see the good in people.  I want to believe that deep down, everyone has good in them.  I want to believe that we are a society that is free to share opinions and capable of disagreements.  But, after all of this, I hold much doubt.  Only time will tell where we go as a society and civilization.  Until then, I will continue my love/hate relationship with Facebook and other social media sites.